Thursday, January 6, 2011

For K

And like the waves, overwhelming...
caught unawares, she listens;
and as the wind cried her song,
caught unawares, she listens.

Remembering days that were once,
caught unawares, she listens;
And while the cobwebs from the past clear,
caught unawares, she listens.

Vivid now, yet quiet still,
caught unawares, she listens;
as suffering moments flashed within,
caught unawares, she listens.

Slowly, the soul, it ate away,
caught unawares, she listens;
of how the need to prolong caused her withering,
caught unawares, she listens.

Sooner still, they haunted- as if at will,
caught unawares, she listens;
The memories of her laying still,
caught unawares, she listens.

The brave face, washed leaves of green,
caught unawares, she listens;
blue checks on white, so pale,
caught unawares, she listens;

Flood-gates now open,
caught unawares, she listens;
of morning chides, and frothy milk in tea,
caught unawares, she listens.

Washed pink turbans on wet gray,
caught unawares, she listens;
of 6 yards, pleated neat in place,
caught unawares, she listens.

Her scent, floats in softly,
caught unawares, she listens;
wet eyes knew the four-post creak,
caught unawares, she listens.

Caught in melody tempest brings,
4 beings and 2 more trudge on,
Closer at slumber, she brings,
silence framed dreams,
caught unawares, she listens.

Friday, December 17, 2010

For the Yellows and Purples and the Pinks in between :-)

There's something oddly poetic and poignant about sorrow. And for each, this little window opens out into their personal fields of yellow, a yellow that you can tell comes out of long hours spent under the heat of solitude and suffering; sun-dried to yellow-brown perfection - just like you pictured. And quite aptly, this window opens up ever so often, bringing with it the breeze of remembrance, caressing and lulling the soul to retreat into that yellow place again. The same wounds; only this time, the ache is not just a reminder, but an awakening- and realization dawns. That there's a time and place for everything, and more importantly "everyone". You realize that those who want to believe what they do, will do so-regardless. You realize that, not everyone has to be part of the circle. You realize that because of this, you are no longer broken; but perhaps stronger at best and indifferent at worst. You realize that holding your cards closer to your chest is much cleaner than baring all. You realize that saying "I'm OK" was, is and always will be-YOUR prerogative.
And then the window closes; just for bit of repose; for that breathing space of saneness, for semblance and sanity and for some of the yellow to blur into bright green or orange and perhaps a little purple too......

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Forgetfullness Refreshed

Came in one's and two's until,
sitting on that window sill,
vultures watched me move still,
waiting- they'd got time to kill.

Building walls of broken trust,
Illusions turned the truth to rust,
Raven foolish lost the crust,
faith was sadly left to dust.

Vultures swooping made their move,
Raven left with nothing to prove.
years of learning all undone,
wounds exposed,old journey begun.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

And they're at it again

SO if it wasn't for the quiet lull, someone would have actually believed these creatures had turned a leaf for the better. So, now it's OK for a woman to wear what she wants to wear ( within limits God forbid!!), It's ok for her walk down the streets ( only in day light- don't you dare forget) and it's ok for her to have a mind of her own ( only until I feel like slapping the life out of you for, well - being you). Everything's JUST OK. Until reality smacks you in the face and you get slapped and groped in the middle of a busy street for refusing to take your clothes off for a bunch of strangers. Well, well, well: Welcome to new Age India, where IT valleys give way to rats that dwell in unsuspecting corners, ready to lurch at the sight of anything with boobs.

An aunt of mine living abroad, recently mentioned an ill-mannered 5 yr old Indian kid she'd met at a social gathering with friends. She went on and on for over ten minutes talking about how he'd put his hands into food, take what wasn't his and was never even reprimanded for his actions. She said this was typical of Indian men. I didn't know if I should appropriately feel righteous and offended seeing as I am Indian. But today's news does put everything back into perspective. I mean no where else in the world would you find such distasteful behavior in a collective group of members who care not for anything other than to display oodles of their dominance of society. yes there are good men around, and yes women are "allowed" to do what is that they want to do. But in a predominantly male dominated society, it's only as good as the next second. When the tide turns, you'd never know.
But while I rave and rant, I mustn't forget that violence and dominance and uncouthness begins at home. Whether it's a male child whose antics are ignored because well- he's a boy after all, or whether it's the wife who tolerates more than her share of unjust behavior- all for love or the sanctity of home or watchameycallit. It doesn't matter- because what you see is what you get. A child observing his shenanigans being waved off as silly boyish playfulness or watching his father's equation with his mother, all play such an important role in how he ends up treating women as he grows to be an adult. And the sad part of it all is that society accepts this portrayal of family life as the norm. But then gasp in shock and disbelief when a man thinks it's perfectly ok to stroke his no-good manhood in public as a woman passes by. Come- on he's a man. he's allowed. RIGHT?? Yeah I hear you- It isn't your son or your brother or your husband- it's not right? Or so you'd love to delude yourself into believing. That's fine, believe what you will. In a society that claims to be progressive on one hand, there's a dark shadow of androphobia, disguising itself as acceptance of men being what they are best at- " Being Men" and I am not sure what a mere blog like this can do.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Unmasked Reality- Persistant Disbelief

Truth becomes her, they said.
A finer one they'd ne'er seen, they said.
A walking mirage, in clouds of fame;
Only the dessert knew her game.

Little warrior found her way,
smoked veiled truth, light gave away.
Vines drifted, entwined;
black shadows left false truth confined.

And so bespoke from the aperture,
little white lies, no harm- no cure.
Candidness she deemed impure;
deceit lay wounds with open sores.

Hyperbole of being nice,
false promise led to sacrifice;
reliability implored the heart like ice,
little warrior did nothing but rolled her dice.

Poor Raven flew back and forth,
forgetting warrior wouldn't hold the fort;
left with soiled nectar to sort,
Raven swallowed her venomous retorts.

Fire once spewed will not return,
loneliness better than embers that burn.
Acceptance takes it's inevitable turn,
poor Raven was still slow to learn.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010


As living beings- we're conditioned. Conditioned to do, conditioned to believe and most of all, we're conditioned to expect. We live in tiny bubbles built on immeasurable trust and faith in the other, believing without proof that they will turn out just the way we require them to be. Our invisible walls slowly dissipate and melt away into oblivion as each day passes. Until one day you're stopped in the middle of your tracks, expressing shock and dis-believe at how somebody from your soul circle could make you cry harder than you've ever cried before. Metaphorically too. You may not shed actual tears, but bits of your soul are taken away each time. Relief lies in accepting that we can't expect people to behave in ways that we would deem just and right and we can't expect people to behave in ways that you yourself may react in, if the situation were vice-versa. But just knowing this doesn't help. It's more about finding a place in yourself where nothing and nobody owns you and your happiness. Where you don't rely on other people to measure your self worth, nor do you rely on other people to be the source of your joys and lows. Where you own your wind and no one can take that away from you. We've somehow deluded ourselves into believing too much, forgetting too much and not understanding as much as we need to. It's easy to live in the moment, to enjoy the company of those that allow you to be you and to find spaces and comfort in people that you care for. But at the same time, understand that you mustn't go in blind. No one else can be you, no one else is you. And perhaps it 's unfair to expect someone else to do and say and react as you would.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Of shattered Pink Rose tinted glasses.... N More....

I was told by someone Seemingly more wise in the ways of the world and all else... that If I don't know how to do something, I shouldn't be doing it. Well Hold up for a minute will ya? Without sounding disrespectful, I'm wondering if most of the world thinks so too. Looking at it from the work point of view, I know I'd hate to take on a task that I know nothin about, I'd rather do it with supervision. Same goes for work that I delegate.. I wouldn't want to delegate to someone that i am not sure can accomplish the task at hand.. but should i write that person off? or should I find ways to get them up to speed? and of course the responsibility goes two ways- He/she must be a willing and able learner... So there.. But how plausible is it to apply the rules on the job to life at large?
Should I hang my boots and tell myself (as perhaps I have for the last half a decade) that because I don't know, I shouldn't bother trying? Well how is one to learn then? Should I be content content just watching other people doing everything as wonderfully as they can, without allowing myself a chance to learn something too?
What somehow isn't justifiable is that Just because someone has all the right answers and perhaps I don't have several of the answers right, does that make me any less of an individual to be respected? Does that mean that I should deprive myself of the very basic right of learning through every step in life? Or should i as they say, learn from others' experiences rather than have any of my own and make opinions and pathways of my own?

I'm beginning to see more clearly how so much of life is truly in the choices we make. Perhaps it's the coming of age, perhaps it's in the loosening of shackles or perhaps it's simply that the Pink rose tinted glasses couldn't hold up any more.... And braveness comes not in plenty, but in every little step you take.. Which is why I'm coming around to the next segment which is... how much people tend to give away their wings so to speak and let someone else make every decision in their lives big or small.... And it's almost always because the scales are tilted most times... As much as these people have a grip on your lives, it's also because you let them.... oh the convenience of it all is almost appalling. Sometimes, U see yourself bending over backwards to accommodate someone...sometimes it's because you bond over commonalities that only a few can understand. Sometimes it's because you don't want to make someone else go through some torrid times that you did. But the line must be drawn and that's what we forget.. Or perhaps that's what we must all learn... and just because not yet knowing how to draw the line can be a problem, it doesn't mean we shouldn't keep trying..... cuz babe last time I checked this was MY life and I should be allowed to learn through my experiences rather than be persecuted for not learning from YOURS.

This post is sort of like a triple entree' of sorts because I'm going to end this one with something that I love writing the most: I think you'll find this one a little more relate-able than ever before.

Dark, tall shadows danced their dance,
Somewhere whimpers prayed for a glance.
Raven flew across her zone,
Cage for company, accident prone.
Misguided, begrudged, she fought her way,
Torrents sweeping, kept reality at bay.
The cage rebellious, has a mind of it's own,
How does poor raven come into her own?
Nearby, little trees had grown,
fed by nothing, still in dear Raven's zone...
Cage doing what it always does best,
blaming poor Raven for not passing the test.
Tired, she walked on,
realizing truth was what she stumbled upon.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

The Impossible

Sometimes it's hard. When u think u can pick up the pieces and run...... Like flying high like a bird was the easiest thing imaginable. But ever so often, reality hits u smack in the face as you realize, nothing is at it seems.
You walk, marking roads as yours... marking people as yours... marking conversations, thoughts, words and smiles as yours..... but sooner or later, the journey ends... and you realize: you are right where you started... Everything that you ever feared, everything that you didn't believe you were, you begin to be... or perhaps you were all along. And u walk on, knowing now that "The Impossible" will remain but a song.

Friday, April 9, 2010

As yet Misunderstood...

Embers of the song, bright still...
charred remains of far away..
Raven chocked, living on will,
wounded, memories lit the path-way.

an ageless ache, rising slow,
poetic sustenance, the only glow.
Whispers, rustled feathers at best,
haunting shadows deemed her test.
Wishing for eons before...
Times when pain was a fading sore.

Raven flew the ritualistic circles,
Self-doubt slicking burning embers.
New clouds with silver linings appear,
Hallucinations tearing through her fears.

Fingers pointed old and new,
insinuating crimes she never knew.
Foolishly Raven stopped for shade,
Creeping trees cut deep like blades.

Mocking cage not far away,
reminder dear Raven, don't stray.
distant shelter though deemed fit,
misunderstandings soon will let it slip.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Familiar Poison :-)

without a shelter to call her own,
poor familiar raven roamed her zone.
Tempest played her best one side,
warrior displaying swords beside.
Coins flipped together;
heads & tails both disappear.
2 sides they play,
vineyards creeping,
lovely slow-poison every night.

Meanwhile shadows dance,
breaking dreams, a lasting glance.
twilight breaks, accompanying dreams.
Footsteps prance across the floor,
midnight's child looking at the door.
Whimpers left unheard.
quietly returned,
uncertainty marks all landing.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Excuse ME for wanting a career!!!!!

As much as nothing should surprise anyone ANYMORE, I still do a double take when I meet or hear about self proclaimed-educated-vain-self obsessed-excuses for men who, as is custom, believe the world and their laurels rest on the heads of their penile area. I wrack my brain trying to figure out if the male species is without hope, except for a few that bravely wear the tag( MALE). Before you judge me for ranting about this peculiar species or believe that I am a feminist ( I AM NOT), let me explain:
Normally, as you prepare yourself for an interview that you believe could do wonders for your career ( yes, WOMEN are ALLOWED to have careers psycho), you have the usual thoughts running through your mind. Like, how to present your accomplishments in true light and convincing your interviewer that you are indeed right for the job. I would assume that sounds just about on the right track don't you think? Well apparently not if you're a woman. A friend of mine just had the displeasure of being propositioned for sexual favors in exchange for a job. SO, this entails that a woman:
a) Cannot get a job based on her Merits
b) Must always be grateful to a man for giving her a job
c) Must gratify a man's needs in order to push through in her career
d) Must always feel like she owes men favors just because she deems herself fit to do a job.
Before you jump your guns, let me say- i agree that all men are not the same & many of them wouldn't even dream of taking this route. In fact my friend thought so too. In fact, the man in question was older than her father. So much so that she didn't even realize she was being propositioned until she spoke to me.
Lesson1- Never judge a man by his age. He could be a jerk regardless of how much he has or has not seen the world.
Lesson2- Never underestimate the lows that a man can fall to, all for a chance to get laid.
Lesson3- All men cannot be categorized as one. Just because Ur dad is a great guy, doesn't mean some other man of the same age is great.
Lesson4- Just because you believe in yourself and your ambitions and achievements, doesn't mean a man is not going to think of you a piece of ass.
I am without a doubt angry that this still happens in what we believe to be a free world. I am saddened that it all comes down to one thing after all, as much as we'd like to disagree. I AM NOT on a mission to insult men. I'm telling it like it is. Take it or leave, this is truth 100%

Friday, January 15, 2010

Ridin' Wit Da Flow

Sometimes breezing past everyday life seems like the easiest way out. If someone mentioned this in court, I'd be guilty as charged. Because hey, it's easy. Easy to look the other way, easy to sigh in relief cause it's not us. Ah... the quiet lull of false contentment. But somewhere, the devils' playing peekaboo and you fear you could be next.
So what provoked this mind numbing subject? Something as mundane as stepping out of my gym after a much needed and yet begrudged workout. As I stepped out in my track pants, pink jacket and gym bag in tow, what just about stopped my heart for a good ten seconds was a bunch of hoots and cat calls. A sharp 90 degree head turn allowed me to spot what was in fact the source of my superficial heart failure(LOL). A bunch of local boys, doing what they know best: rule the land like the lord and masters they were raised to believe they are. My mind reeled; flashing images of abuse went by as I decided on my next course of action. Should I make a run for it, or play it cool and calm. What do I do next if one of them decides to get too close for comfort? This little, albeit silly incident roughly translates into the following-:
1)As long as you have a Weaner, you can walk, talk, dress and behave any which way you'd like.
2) As long as you seem to have traces of womanhood ( read- breasts & legs), you will be subject to the kind of unruly behavior (in India) that the rest of the world would probably deem 4th world or worse.
3)If you so much as step outside the four walls of your house with clothes that remotely bear hint of the fact that you are a woman, you will be subject to hoots and cat calls and perhaps worse.
4) Even if you are COVERED as per the norms of those who make rules when they want to, you'll still be made to feel like you have no right to exist.
The list is endless, but I am sick and tired of feeling like I have no right to be myself when I'm out and about walking down the streets of a country that's supposedly mine and to whom I pay hard earned money in taxes that go nowhere that I can see. It makes me sick to my stomach to watch this patriarchal society run around believing they are the face of the new world, when the stories inside their own homes are dark and cloudy, filled with horror.
I even had a discussion with a female friend of mine. And the more you talk about it, the murkier the waters get. For example, any form that you fill, government or otherwise, will always ask you to fill in you father's name or your husband's name. Well, no offense to the fathers and husbands of the world, but shouldn't it be my choice whether I want to write my father's name or my mother's name or for a man to write his wife's name? Why force it on us? Does the worth of a woman begin and end with her ability to produce offspring and an occasional den to rest hungry lions? For God's sake, who gave you the right to claim the title of the be all and end all of the world??? Uh.. in case you didn't notice, ur only half the equation. Dim wits.
My anger mounts with every passing second. I cry hoarse if someone makes the mistake of labeling me a feminist. I AM NOT a feminist. Not in the least. I don't need to be treated specially or differently just because I am a woman. All I ask is that the world treat everyone as equal, that people be treated according to their merits and strength of character and not their gender. But the problem is, I could scream from now till the end of eternity, write a million blogs, garner strength from women across the nation who suffer worse on a daily basis, but the situation won't change. I say this because I come from a country where a lingerie store must face the wrath of the moral police who cannot digest the very idea of human beings requiring a decent pair of undies for their own personal hygiene. All lingerie store owners must live in fear of when some activists will come and tear their store down for having the audacity to sell underwear to those of us who wear them everyday of our lives. Oh! curse befall those who use condoms because oh! the moral police would rather have a nation succumbing to AIDS than educate people to make informed choices. Take a sneak peak in their own personal lives and you'll find worms crawling out of the woodwork; and I don't mean the ones the early birds eat every morning. But then again- maybe I do.
Don't pretend to be the face of the new world, when you don't know the first thing about being part of a moving, changing, growing and embracing world. Don't pretend to be the next super power country in the making, when you'd rather sit on ur arses and make polite and empty statements to the media while ur countrymen get burnt and hacked to death for just being Indian. Better yet, don't exist.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Unwanted Realizations

It's funny how you wake up one day and realize, those closest to you really have no clue as to who you are. Suddenly, every action is mis-read, suddenly, you realize that because of your limited ability to verbally say what you want to say, those with the knack of yelling and screaming at the drop of a hat, get away with murder. Suddenly, the one you thought was your salvation and the only respite sent from heaven, is the last one you'd ever be able to talk to about anything of the slightest importance. You realize that they are un-reliable, painfully, you try to re-assemble what little sense of unity you have, but disdainfulness smacks you right in the face. It becomes your fault that you asked for support in the first place. Because support they will, but on their own sweet time. And if you don't have the time or the energy to wait for this person to wake up and complete the request they promised they will do for you, you become the evil-one full of insolence for not having the patience to wait ten days for a task that was promised would be completed 15 days ago. You become wrong for wanting help and you become wrong for not being able to wait while this person lives their life at the pace that they want to. You become wrong for wanting some order in the chaos that everyday life always is. You become wrong for ensuring everything is in order, you become wrong for wanting to live in normal surroundings for once, you become wrong for wanting some resemblance of a loving happy family that you always craved for, you become wrong for not delaying, you become wrong to stand up for your own self. You start wishing for wanting out of the whole lot of misery, but the minute you wish that, you become wrong for that as well. Then, morning comes, and you choke with pain as you realize that life will never be the same again. She is different from you and wants to be her own. Perhaps you were wrong to expect after all, but with that, you also realize, that just to keep the sanity of everyday life, you must not let anyone dictate the joys or sorrows of your life. If they want to live their life the way they want to, let them be; you must live your life too. And who knows, someday, you'll muster enough resources to finally live your own life, where you will make decisions based on yourself, not on what others do or don't do. And as hard as it will be, you must find the gall to walk out and build your own life- someday.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Viva La Vacation :-)

Sometimes, doing the usual keeps you grounded. Keeps you from fearing the unknown and wondering about the what if's. Sometimes, you hold back- thinking time will replace everything you've wished for and make it happen one fine day. And sometimes, ever so often, wisdom and common-sense gets drilled into you, courtesy people who happen to care for you through ages and eons. And those tiny steps take you through the beginning of what you hope will bring glimpses of smiles that you've repressed for the longest time.
And so began a journey, accompanied by a soul sister an her beloved. I came across two best-friends whose constant chatter could only be described akin to that of a husband and a wife!!! But they were cute to watch :-) A few moments were spent basking in the heat and glory of all that personifies nature. It also marked several firsts for my tired soul. And somewhere, just a little bit, I learnt, for a few moments to let go of my controlling nature and just BE.
I also realized that the sea can truly hypnotize... calling out those secret yearnings that you tried so desperately to believe you'd managed to push far away into the dark corners of your soul. and that's more than enough for the writer in me to conjure a gazillion words.
A vacation can be wonderful in so many different ways. But it also brought me painfully closer to the fact that no one will fend for you but you yourself. I knew this before hand of course. But re-iteration has it's own effect. Not to mention, coming across people who conveniently sweet-talked their way into dumping me on the dirtier and wetter side of the already ill-equipped upper bunk of a
claustrophobia-inducing, suffocating and stomach-churning bus ride back home. Lord knows none of us are EVER going to use " SEABIRD" bus services again. But all said and done, the trip was wonderful. Can't wait for more of these. The mess that we call everyday life makes these little capsules of joy all the more precious.

Monday, September 14, 2009


Ever so often, there comes a moment where you feel like you're tip-toeing across un-chartered waters. The moment tempting you to let your feet or in my case- a computer screen let you fall into the waters that your subconscious knows will only leave you sinking quicker than you can say quick-sand. Of course most of this has got to do with my own sense of not being able to accept the truth and it's ramifications for the last 4 years. Sometimes, it becomes easier not to think about what is so obviously staring you hard in the face and making your soul squeeze in pain that you'd never-ever wish upon another, no matter how despicable they are. But ever so often, you find yourself slipping back into what is so obviously a natural human tendency for suspicious curiosity. And then, the moment of truth arrives and you find yourself longing to see proof of what you already suspected. Who knew something like facebook would one day be the cynosure for all those vampires reeking from the foulness of their predatory fangs. The computer screen moves and I am faced with what I knew all along: That unspoken symbols of dis-trust are far stronger than spoken words of reluctant and indignant denial. You realize that some one can throw a line about wanting to adopt baby to do their part in being good and helping the world; and as much as someone else denies they aren't impressed- the secret pangs of attraction do their part and they find themselves falling into the socially accepted form of friendship- only because that is the only false route they can take before they each dance the much wanted song of desire. The little pokes soon could turn into amorous mid-night cat calls. Oh yes. She knows how to play- and though you claim to see through 'em all- you still in your very typical sense of apathy, fall for everything that you claimed to abhor. And the ignorant upholder is left on the sidelines, wondering why she ever took the pains to find out if the clouds of pretentious affections had won or not. Cause you know she did. They all do.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Retractable Absolutions

Basking in the heat of light,
Raven thought the time was right.
Freedom comes, in ones and twos,
Unknown, she opened the bag of woes.

Steady now, feet off the ground,
Maybe this second time around,
Wings tormented, yet at flight,
Only tempest knew her plight.

Slowly, unattached, wings stretched across,
Time-lines, unawares, were crossed.
Imprints though etched on sand,
Far away, she found a land.

Different this from that before,
Raven thought this time she’d be sure.
No longer believing in attachments,
Raven thought she’d executed detachment.

The truth, like seven inches of pain,
Shards of self esteem, tossed in vain.
Along came the foe disguised as friend,
The mirror jumped to reflect the trend.

The Raven now left alone to admit,
The cage’s accusations deemed fit.
Faithless, The Raven walked back alone,
The cage, in her vision, a comfort zone.

Sunday, August 16, 2009


There's something to be said about that lot of people who find life's pleasures doing nothing significant in the house whatsoever. Their sole purpose is to sit back and relax. They also seem to live for nobody but themselves. I'm still trying to understand whether to slap them hard into reality ( in case you haven't noticed, your world is without hassle cause people like ME work horses hours without a second for ME TIME, while you graze from the infinite pool of self indulgence!! HMPF!!) or will I be better off emulating a thing or two from these strange creatures. Lord knows I've tried every trick in the book- from the good old bribe( what's a few sweat and tears for a quick buck eh?), to the magic of emotionally blackmailing them to see the whole point!!!. Nothing works. Hello... Sistah single-handedly doing all menial house hold jobs... anyone out there??? I best not speak anything, for I am wont of the wrath of the evil one... She bellows when I so much as speak.... One screech from the evil one is enough to fill a bucket of my ill- required and less appreciated tears!! At last you are left with the silent yet indignant sense of pride( YES, I did EVERYTHING!!!). But that hardly lasts a few minutes. Haven't you heard? Dust is clogging up the ventilation. Time to miss yet another couple of hours of sleep. Wait? do I even know what that feels like? The body swings into action- almost on auto-pilot. The face may or may not relay whats going on behind the mask of serenity. It all depends on what the God of all mood swings desires. Ooh Mariah's playing on my I-pod. That gives me an extra few minutes to stop mopping around(wait, did I actually admit that I mope??!!) While she tells me how Obsessed a certain foul mouthed stringer of insinuating lyrics is, I scrub away; almost delighted at the demeaning task of rinsing that glass someone else drank out of 3 days back. But before long, the song is over and you realize you are indeed not backstage at her concert, but right here, on earth, in the midst of the dirt you played no part in creating. The finger raises to wipe a greasy ( eeewwwwuu) forehead, resigned to the fact that this is your fate as long as you are the silent pall-bearer of those screams of resentment and unfair treatment that somehow die in your throat because the lazy one won't stop to think twice before she acrimoniously puts you right back in your place- Hey.. you choose to keep the place clean. I didn't ask you to do it!!!
And so the beast speaks.... Hey, Garbage bags to be thrown out.....Anybody listening- asks the voice inside me- Off we go again SISTEROBOT!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

The Raven's Repression

The heart squeezes;
Time has stood still.
Was 4 years that long ago?
Waiting, quietly by the window sill.

Seems like only yesterday,
The heart beat leaps and bounds.
Unbeknownst, it lay as bate;
Not knowing of its tested fate.

Half-truths tried untying the blinds of faith;
But shackles of enchantment formed an invisible cage.
The Raven, alas! Didn’t see;
Blind faith always leads to misery.

At first, poor Raven felt safe.
Skeletal wings found shelter,
Memory of tempest all but fades.
The cage, she believed was to protect her.

Bearers of forbidden words;
Banished before they uttered a curse.
Unwilling, was the Raven to believe;
At the truth, she knew her heart would burst.

Slowly though, resilience changed;
With resistance, not much was gained.
Still, cobwebs had made their way;
Covering vision and thoughts to the world’s dismay.

Soon; though not soon enough;
Raven ran out on her share of luck.
The cage no longer seemed real,
Freedom almost felt surreal.

Reflecting back she couldn’t find;
Precisely when she’d lost her mind.
The cage controlled the Raven’s thoughts;
Paralyzed wings now accustomed to her lot.

Craving sunlight, craving day;
The Raven: bitter cage’s insignificant prey.
No longer able to speak her mind,
Always afraid, another he’d find.

Realization crept near;
Un-requited; yet so dear.
The open sky beckons;
Raven, weighing options reckons.

The cage is but a life of oppression;
Freedom of speech and thought mere objections.
Must lonely Raven re-capture the sky?
Or will stifling cage continue to let her die?

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Contrarieties of Friendship

I just watched a few episodes of one of my favorite reality TV shows "The Hills". And it got me thinking. What makes women behave the way they do when it comes to the men in their lives? And why do so many friendships between women dissolve when there is a man involved. Sometimes it's because the object of both their affections is the same man. But instead of finding strength in each other, the friendship falls apart.Then there are those, who, after years of being what they now call BFF's cannot be in the same room with each other because the air is cloaked with deception & lies. The age old affliction of a friend secretly making very manipulated moves on her friend's suitor and then living in denial.
So two friends who could never imagine their lives without each other, are now suddenly at logger heads- possibly for a man who doesn't want either of them!
Sometimes, women defend the men in their lives with such conviction, that strong friendships turn capricious & fickle- like what happened on the TV show "The Hills". Sometimes, a friend believes the other half doesn't care for the friendship anymore, because one of them has a mate and the other doesn't.
Such vagaries seem childlike. and yet, this happens all the time.
Why is that such seemingly soulful bonds snap like crackers at the first sign of a man? Some say this happens because the foundation is not strong enough & a little change of weather causes all sorts of disasters. Perhaps this is true. Viewed from the outside, this behavior seems baffling. And yet, is oft repeated. All modern friendships at least, resound with the unspoken aphorism- "We love each other, as long as she doesn't take what's mine".
Arguments can be found aplenty; while everyone believes they want to follow whats good and right, the scales can tip either ways. Is it right for a friend to cross the boundaries and dip into the water's of what's clearly not her's? Is it wrong for someone to go after what they truly want just because someone else wants it too? Is it wrong for a friend to feel torn up when facing this situation? Or will it only seem right if the aggrieved one let's go of the hurt and betrayal for the sake of friendship?
At the offset, most women want to believe that they are above & beyond such anti-social graces, but reality seems a far cry from this belief.
The dream is to see women rise above such frivolities, to find strength in their relationships with each other, as confidantes,stronger than the rocks of Gibraltar, ready to face everything the world throws at them- together. Without Malice and with purity empowering the very souls of what they were truly meant to be- Kindred spirits.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

I see right through you!!

Wonder how many of us have had at least one of these people in our lives... Those quiet shy ones, always afraid the world will see who they really are- scared & insignificant. They get their identity from you.... it's like they align themselves to the one they admire the most at the moment.. and pretty soon they jump ships and it's a new identity all over again.. Their claim to their own sense of self is derived from feasting on the left overs of those they admire. But soon, admiration turns to envy... it's not just enough to do things the way you do.. or dress the way you do.. or sound the way you sound.... they start wanting the same things you want too...the same career, the same effect on people.... and it doesn't stop there. No way! It's not enough that they want to be you or want the same things you do- they begin resenting you for the very same reasons they hitched a ride on your bandwagon in the first place!! They begin snooping.. tip-toeing & while the world still thinks them innocent, they manage to get inside you skin & turn what you thought was your life- upside down... and the best part- they always get away with it!!! Like it was your fault you let them in cause you felt sorry for them..
So what works? Confrontation? nope, they'll turn the tables right back at you before you can say OBSESSED. Try & help them? Only if your ok with being lied to for the rest of your life & be ok with the charade of pretense they'll keep up till the end of existence.An emotionally & spiritually draining experience if i ever saw one... Cut them out of your life? Not unless your ok with abandoning someone who's clearly in need of so much help... Almost like Catch 22 at it's peak.
But you know what.. I've come to learn & gladly accept- that no matter what- no matter how this person parades themselves to the world, no matter who believes this person or doesn't.. They'll never be ME. I don't claim to be the best example of a human being- but there's a limit to the falsification of self based on another. It's as simple as that.... and someone up there's keeping scores... you may fool the world, but you'll never fool me & the man upstairs.... Karma's a Bummer!!

Friday, June 26, 2009

Michael Jackson- A Tribute ( August 29th 1958- June 25th 2009)

Michael Jackson- A name that brings to mind varied images of music & talent & unlikely newspaper headlines... But he was more than that.. He was more than just the king of pop.. The emotions are overwhelming...A soul who lived most of his life feeling lonely.. and mis-understood... needing to be loved & appreciated & understood...... The world never let him just be.....And perhaps that's what this life was meant to be... A life so significant perhaps as if to give strength to those who doubted....
I've spent countless hours listening to my family members tell me how even when I was a mere one year old toddler.. I'd jump up & down as soon as I heard Michael's songs or videos.... And that sums up the effect that this man has had on people. In the days of VCR's, my father had recorded countless hours of Michael Jackson's footage and we'd watch it together, happy just to see the immense talent that this person exhibited.

The world is probably looking for words to express the emotion of losing the king of pop...but Michael has been through a lot..and who even knows the extent of pain that he went through-except him....
Michael you have been an inspiration.... you are a legend.... a star in every sense... I hope your soul finds it's way to true love, peace & happiness..
I never knew you personally.... but there's always been a sense of affinity towards you.. maybe because sometimes the songs sung within the soul is heard across time.. perhaps.... Rest in peace Michael...

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Destiny Vs. Free-Will

People cringe when I talk about destiny.. That everything we all experience is pre-ordained.. And truly, there are two sides to it... some argue that free-will makes the world what it is... and I suppose that's true as well. Free-will lets us choose what we want to do & what we eventually end up doing, but I wonder; how do we even come up to that point of deciding? I heard someone say, you believe what you need to believe to make peace with yourself.... some may believe that destiny decides what course of action this life takes. It makes it easier to deal with painful incidents.. like no matter what you could have done.. a certain event would've occurred non the less...It's easier to take hits this way. But there's some who believe that life is what you make of it... everything here is your decision & even when you're in the middle of murky waters, you have the power to change it. These people seem to be great at picking & going at life with great gusto time & again... and it seems like a nice place to be in.. to never let anyone or anything pull you down & "settle". Then there are those, who believe in neither, but will falsely align themselves to either one.. just to please whoever they're wanting to please...
And me? hmmm.. personally I believe life is a mix of destiny and free-will.. meaning, life may take a certain pre-ordained path, but free-will lets you choose how destiny pans put.... I'll talk more about this soon..

Friday, June 19, 2009

Un-chartered Skies

Often there's mile stones we come across,
definitive curves of destiny,
shaping the wounds the soul bares.
arking you; much like the territorial nature of animals;
scarring the core that seems to be you.

T'was long ago it was..
the raven had set soar.
Clipped as they were- the wings,
yet foolishly grew hope within.
Un-chartered skies- un-seeing eyes
met the tempest at it's prime.
Foolishly poor raven believed;
tempest carried her soul within.


Once Upon a time, she cried, fearful;
fair weather was but a mask,
reveling in the vines of half-truth;
They spoke in whispers,
Unaware, enchanted, envious...

The wind mocked the Raven;
It knew & thrived on the nector the vines of half-truth expelled;
It mocked the raven's misery.
The raven caged, yet un-sheltered..
feathers flaying...
she lay exposed while the wind mocked.

The truth, known yet unknown...
mile-stones remembered, cherished
and consumed all alone.

The paradoxical journey of this soul,
Alone, yet exposed..
The mocking wind, a companion as seen by the envious world;
The tears still remain hidden;
masked by fair-weather,
carried away by the mocking wind forever.


The picture really does say it all. Funny, Outrageous (no, not the song!), adorable, seemingly clever & perhaps the only living beings in the world who know the power of what a puppy face & a melt-worthy look can do to a poor, unsuspecting human heart… Brace yourself people, you’re in for one hell of a trip!!!! Welcome to the world of animals.

They come in all sorts of sizes, but the one thing they know how to do is have their way, hands down, 100%. And you can’t really blame them; it’s those droopy soulful eyes that beseech you to do as they want!! Anyone who has a pet at home knows what I’m talking about!

They can walk around the house like they own it (and to be honest with you, they do!) cuddle next to you when they want (key word: WHEN THEY WANT) and demand for food and walks like nobody’s business. Got a favorite couch? Fuh-get-about-it.. Your pet takes it while you stand and watch. Want to eat in peace? Not until you give him a bite of what you’re eating. Oh wait.. Two bites.. No lets make that three… and before you know it, he’s eating the plate right off your hands.
Ah- ha! The TV! Your pet doesn’t even know what a TV is. Hehehehehe.. There’s one thing your pet can’t stop you from doing.. REALLY?? Think again my friend.. See that little face that parked himself right in front of the TV?? Yup, that’s your pet… how dare you watch TV when you could be doing other useful things, for example take me for a nice long walk outside….
Remember those lazy Sundays, where you just feel like sleeping in late, huddled under the blanket? Not for long!!! A big paw with sharp toenails punches you on your face.. Reminding you that it’s a beautiful day outside and he/she needs to go for the much-waited walk. “How could you not? I’ve been waiting for you to wake up all night!!” And reluctantly you drag yourself out of bed.. Put on the leash and out you go.. But all your grumpiness fades away when you watch your pet happily chasing after early morning butterflies and birds…. Until an earth-shattering shriek breaks your reverie: he’s bitten the neighbor again…. Time to start apologizing profusely for something that was not your fault in the first place!!!
But as tiresome as all of this seems, it adds more value to that speechless being that we can ever imagine…. And in return you get un-conditional, un-matched compassion, which is sometimes more than you can get from most human beings caught up in their own web of emotions. No matter what kind of person you are.. no one else would ever greet you at your front door the way a pet does.

And for most of us who can’t have a pet at home for various reasons, I encourage all of you to at least adopt a stray on the road.. You don’t need to invite him home.. But you can give him love and compassion. You can treat the animal well… a kind word won’t get you to lose anything… for all the time and money you spend eating at the local tuck shop or bakery, share some of the goodies with these animals… they will always remember your kindness…. And if you feel like buying them food id too much to handle, at least watch out for them.. Don’t let anyone mis-treat them. Don’t kick them out of your way.. They may not be able to speak, but they sure can feel and their eyes will tell you a story….. You just need to listen….


Borrowed time, borrowed space,
Even this body deemed mis-placed.
No right, no fights,
Tears seem the only base.
Always afraid,
So afraid to speak.
The mind now believes thoughts are but flashes from a dream.

Afraid of what? The warrior asks.
Afraid of the world, the soul remarks.
Afraid to speak on it’s own behalf.
What numbs this mind, some might think-
Oblivious as her world sinks
Un-canny resemblance at arms length
Creepers crawl, within-without,
Leaves her drowning in shadows of doubt.

Outbursts too, like broken flames.
Outwards fierce, but inside tame.
Clouds forming within,
Dousing flames, chances slim.
Left alone, it curls within.
Licking walls bereft of self,
The ashes fall-
Book cases forming apt shelves.


Shadows fall, through fissures;
Wounds old but new.
Everlasting, all pervading;
A falcon’s cry; the storm puts pressure.

Strange song & dance this;
Joyous to the naked eye,
Blinding those reasoned to bliss.
But the wind knows-
The truth; in the Falcon’s cry- bellows.

The path Walked before,
Memories from eons ago.
Like leaves, feathered touch;
Like thorns, her signature cut.

The tempest blew, carried all away,
The eye was calm; dark as night- the falcon swayed.
Did she watch her hapless prey?
Suffering, turning- no escape.

And so the dance carried on-
Shortly joined by another;
Wild, exotic, evil,
Falsely warm.


What is pain?
Darkened corners of heightened pleasure.
Road trips, nor time to measure.
What is time?
With heartened soul, stirring,
Churning; all within.

Streets within, blackened,
Charcoal snow…
Lights beaming; outside-within.
Shivers; nimble soul;
Is it now or was it then?
Is the wait over? Or did it just begin?
Clueless; sometimes grasping….

Years fold, unfold..
Uneasy, easy, empty full..
Lost in time, or time lost within?
Spaces, walls open fields…
The mirror reflects;
You, them, her or she;
Little barrels- boned-
Stand alone; rainfall across the street.

Is that me or you within?
Waiting, shifting, changing, constant.
Realities, truth, cover-up resonant.
My truth is your make-believe.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

The hardest First Steps to an awakening

t's a strange feeling... There are few times in your life that you come across people that you feel immediately connected to.. like they add music to the song your soul's been singing.... a soul connection that you think will last forever. Soon you become soul sisters.. never once imagining that a few years down the line, this very connection would cause unimaginable grief. You try reasoning, you try not getting caught up in your own web of neediness & sense of betrayal.... you even convince yourself that you're doing what you are, only to help this person wake up from the clout of lies she's spun for herself and yet... it all fails.... You begin to feel like the term "Friendship" is overrated.....The blame game begins on the outside.. while on the inside, the turbulence is so powerful that you start looking for some answers.. any answers...could this be a karmic connection? Maybe this soul was supposed to walk into your life for something specific then walk out... and you struggle to find out what that purpose is.....And the whole time, you wonder how she could walk around.. oblivious to the pain and conflict within you....
It takes a kindred soul or two to wake you into realization.... There is only so much you can do..... at some point you've got to think about what's good for you & what's toxic.....perhaps you want to cling on for the hope that a friendship of 9 years won't fall apart for those million crazy , insignificant reasons. But then you recognize the debilitating features of this toxic relationship... You want to stay & help..... but the ship has sunk.. you just got knocked out so hard that the stars blocked your vision...And for the sake of your peace & sanity.. you're faced with the unimaginable task of letting go... perhaps this is how you make a fresh start.. perhaps new beginnings & awakenings don't happen till you take that first step and perhaps the first step really is to cut away from anyone & anything that builds negativity...Perhaps, this is how the new chapter begins.