Monday, September 14, 2009

Belief-Disbelief

Ever so often, there comes a moment where you feel like you're tip-toeing across un-chartered waters. The moment tempting you to let your feet or in my case- a computer screen let you fall into the waters that your subconscious knows will only leave you sinking quicker than you can say quick-sand. Of course most of this has got to do with my own sense of not being able to accept the truth and it's ramifications for the last 4 years. Sometimes, it becomes easier not to think about what is so obviously staring you hard in the face and making your soul squeeze in pain that you'd never-ever wish upon another, no matter how despicable they are. But ever so often, you find yourself slipping back into what is so obviously a natural human tendency for suspicious curiosity. And then, the moment of truth arrives and you find yourself longing to see proof of what you already suspected. Who knew something like facebook would one day be the cynosure for all those vampires reeking from the foulness of their predatory fangs. The computer screen moves and I am faced with what I knew all along: That unspoken symbols of dis-trust are far stronger than spoken words of reluctant and indignant denial. You realize that some one can throw a line about wanting to adopt baby to do their part in being good and helping the world; and as much as someone else denies they aren't impressed- the secret pangs of attraction do their part and they find themselves falling into the socially accepted form of friendship- only because that is the only false route they can take before they each dance the much wanted song of desire. The little pokes soon could turn into amorous mid-night cat calls. Oh yes. She knows how to play- and though you claim to see through 'em all- you still in your very typical sense of apathy, fall for everything that you claimed to abhor. And the ignorant upholder is left on the sidelines, wondering why she ever took the pains to find out if the clouds of pretentious affections had won or not. Cause you know she did. They all do.

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