Unwanted Realizations

It's funny how you wake up one day and realize, those closest to you really have no clue as to who you are. Suddenly, every action is mis-read, suddenly, you realize that because of your limited ability to verbally say what you want to say, those with the knack of yelling and screaming at the drop of a hat, get away with murder. Suddenly, the one you thought was your salvation and the only respite sent from heaven, is the last one you'd ever be able to talk to about anything of the slightest importance. You realize that they are un-reliable, painfully, you try to re-assemble what little sense of unity you have, but disdainfulness smacks you right in the face. It becomes your fault that you asked for support in the first place. Because support they will, but on their own sweet time. And if you don't have the time or the energy to wait for this person to wake up and complete the request they promised they will do for you, you become the evil-one full of insolence for not having the patience to wait ten days for a task that was promised would be completed 15 days ago. You become wrong for wanting help and you become wrong for not being able to wait while this person lives their life at the pace that they want to. You become wrong for wanting some order in the chaos that everyday life always is. You become wrong for ensuring everything is in order, you become wrong for wanting to live in normal surroundings for once, you become wrong for wanting some resemblance of a loving happy family that you always craved for, you become wrong for not delaying, you become wrong to stand up for your own self. You start wishing for wanting out of the whole lot of misery, but the minute you wish that, you become wrong for that as well. Then, morning comes, and you choke with pain as you realize that life will never be the same again. She is different from you and wants to be her own. Perhaps you were wrong to expect after all, but with that, you also realize, that just to keep the sanity of everyday life, you must not let anyone dictate the joys or sorrows of your life. If they want to live their life the way they want to, let them be; you must live your life too. And who knows, someday, you'll muster enough resources to finally live your own life, where you will make decisions based on yourself, not on what others do or don't do. And as hard as it will be, you must find the gall to walk out and build your own life- someday.